Saturday, April 2, 2011

This is my unspoken letter to you

Dear you,

I stumbled upon a page of yours the other day and it inspired me to write in hopes that maybe one day you'll stumble upon this and in someway I can communicate the things I've been wanting to say and have been carrying with me.

I want you to know how happy I am for you. To see that smile on your face, that joy. I can't help but smile back. To see you united with your family couldn't make me happier! I've been praying for you I hope that doesn't sound weird, but I've been praying that He would draw you close to Him once more. I know events had taken you so far away and had made you angry at Him which is completely understandable. I think everyone goes through those moments but to read the way you wrote about Him filled my soul with happiness. To see you so close with your family, your sister especially, I wish I had the words to say, to express how enthused I am, because she's looked up to you all along. I hope this doesn't come across weird, I mean all of this 100% and I wish somehow that I could tell you this in person but I know that will never be, so I hope you'll one day read this.

Your art, your words so eloquent, like poetry have improved and am excited to see how far you'll go and where God will take you. I can't help but think that there was so much unsaid and because of that I think there is so much misunderstanding between what happened. I don't even know. I don't know how you see things through your perspective of what happened if somehow we both ended up feeling the same way but neither one spoke out. I still cry about it all perhaps wishing things didn't end up the way they did or that things would have been worked through. I tried to act all strong that day, that call, I didn't want to argue, but I didn't know what to say, I just remember crying once we hung up. I was angry hurt and felt so many things at once.

I don't know how you felt about it all but I want you to know that one day while sitting at church God put you on my heart and removed anger and bitterness with forgiveness and love and I've been praying for you ever since. I hope one day you'll forgive me too. I'm sorry for being so weak at that moment in my life that I wasn't strong enough to be what you needed at that time too. Truly, I apologize. That was more weight than you could carry.

I will continue to hold you in my prayers and just wanted you to know I'm happy for you.

Again I hope this doesn't sound too weird either, but I'm glad you found love again. I don't want this to sound insincere, at first I was taken back, but I think she's what you need :) I think she'll draw out your strengths and help you grow in this season of your life and it seems the light in your eyes has returned.
And although a part of it hurts, the part within me that cares for you is truly, happy for you :)

a part of your past.