Beauty (video included)

What is it that makes us feel or not feel beautiful? Why do we compare ourselves?

The other day I was at CVS getting my hubby's gift bag and card, when all of a sudden I heard two girls behind me, probably the ages of 11 & 13/14? roughly. They were looking at the magazines that  are often stocked at the counter and I just heard them looking through saying she's pretty, she's pretty, she's pretty. Oh how I remember doing that with my sister. Going through the magazines and seeing all the beautiful ladies. Suddenly, when it was my turn to pay, I hear the girls just comparing themselves to these women who have their makeup all done, hair all done, airbrushed, tall and thin, who had hours spent on making them look unattainable, and these girls felt they didn't measure up. Talking about how those were the women they had to compete with.

Girls you're 11 & 13!! WHY do you have to struggle with not feeling beautiful enough at such an early age? My heart broke for them, because I know that feeling all too well.

I turned to them both and told them, you girls are way prettier than any of those girls in those magazines. All of a sudden, they're faces looked up with a bright smile, faces shining. It's so important to tell the young girls in our lives how beautiful they are. How the "beauty" the world is telling us to attain isn't real beauty. We get so caught up in trying to attain this beauty, that we forget about the important things in life. I'm speaking from experience.

I remember being bigger..like 176 lbs, and yet, I had this joy. Although I've never felt like I was "beautiful" I felt okay with myself. Because I was happy with who I was. Someone told me how important it is to be "beautiful" because guys look for "beauty"and although my personality was beautiful, it wasn't enough if I ever wanted a guy to marry me. I'm putting these words very nicely from how they were said, but that day they pierced my spirit.
I know the person's intentions were for my own good and I think that's the way they're motivated, so they tried motivating me in that manner, but it did the complete opposite. I lost something that day I haven't been able to get back.

That weekend I didn't want to go out. I felt too ugly to be out in public. Then I started working out and dieting and lost all this weight. I had gotten down to 120, but that 176lb girl was still haunting me. People were telling me to stop losing but I couldn't see it. All I saw was this ugly girl who couldn't measure up. She couldn't measure up to the tall thin beautiful toned girls in the magazine or on tv. I still struggle with it sooo much!

Christmas Eve this year we were supposed to go to my husbands families house, inbetween his work, instead, I was on the floor crying in my closet looking at the clothes hanging there, telling me, you're too fat to fit in me, you're ugly, comon you won't look good no matter what you wear! This is a day you're supposed to be all dressed up and pretty! Everyone's going to see how ugly and fat you've gotten. I know it sounds soo silly, but for anyone who's been there, you know how real it feels at that moment. Everyone else around will just look at you as a retard, don't know if that's the word.

It's funny, cause a friend of mine is doing this GREAT group for young girls on seeing themselves in a healthy way and she asked me to be one of the guest speakers one day. I feel so fake doing it. How can I tell these girls to see themselves in a way I fail yet to do. I struggle with this everyday, and I'm still not healed, I still cry in front of the mirror and actually hate looking!  Hopefully somehow I'll be able to help encourage them in a better way to not fall into the path that I have.

I hate the fact that because of all of those words, I placed such an importance on how I look, on trying to be beautiful, I lost that inner beauty, that inner joy.

This is just one of the broken pieces that need to be mended.

Why do I say all this? Because I want you all to know how important it is to tell the girls around you how beautiful they are! The world is telling them how pretty they're not! That they'll never attain beauty, but you can be the voice to tell them otherwise. Show them what true beauty is. Show them how important it is to be beautiful on the inside!! That it's where beauty truly counts!


You are all sooo beautiful!! In and out!