Friday, March 12, 2010

Beauty (video included)

What is it that makes us feel or not feel beautiful? Why do we compare ourselves?

The other day I was at CVS getting my hubby's gift bag and card, when all of a sudden I heard two girls behind me, probably the ages of 11 & 13/14? roughly. They were looking at the magazines that  are often stocked at the counter and I just heard them looking through saying she's pretty, she's pretty, she's pretty. Oh how I remember doing that with my sister. Going through the magazines and seeing all the beautiful ladies. Suddenly, when it was my turn to pay, I hear the girls just comparing themselves to these women who have their makeup all done, hair all done, airbrushed, tall and thin, who had hours spent on making them look unattainable, and these girls felt they didn't measure up. Talking about how those were the women they had to compete with.

Girls you're 11 & 13!! WHY do you have to struggle with not feeling beautiful enough at such an early age? My heart broke for them, because I know that feeling all too well.

I turned to them both and told them, you girls are way prettier than any of those girls in those magazines. All of a sudden, they're faces looked up with a bright smile, faces shining. It's so important to tell the young girls in our lives how beautiful they are. How the "beauty" the world is telling us to attain isn't real beauty. We get so caught up in trying to attain this beauty, that we forget about the important things in life. I'm speaking from experience.

I remember being 176 lbs, and yet, I had this joy. Although I've never felt like I was "beautiful" I felt okay with myself. Because I was happy with who I was. Someone told me how important it is to be "beautiful" because guys look for "beauty"and although my personality was beautiful, it wasn't enough if I ever wanted a guy to marry me. I'm putting these words very nicely from how they were said, but that day they pierced my spirit.
I know the person's intentions were for my own good and I think that's the way they're motivated, so they tried motivating me in that manner, but it did the complete opposite. I lost something that day I haven't been able to get back.

That weekend I didn't want to go out. I felt too ugly to be out in public. Then I started working out and dieting and lost all this weight. I had gotten down to 120, but that 176lb girl was still haunting me. People were telling me to stop losing but I couldn't see it. All I saw was this ugly girl who couldn't measure up. She couldn't measure up to the tall thin beautiful toned girls in the magazine or on tv. I still struggle with it sooo much!

Christmas Eve this year we were supposed to go to my husbands families house, inbetween his work, instead, I was on the floor crying in my closet looking at the clothes hanging there, telling me, you're too fat to fit in me, you're ugly, comon you won't look good no matter what you wear! This is a day you're supposed to be all dressed up and pretty! Everyone's going to see how ugly and fat you've gotten. I know it sounds soo silly, but for anyone who's been there, you know how real it feels at that moment. Everyone else around will just look at you as a retard, don't know if that's the word.

It's funny, cause a friend of mine is doing this GREAT group for young girls on seeing themselves in a healthy way and she asked me to be one of the guest speakers one day. I feel so fake doing it. How can I tell these girls to see themselves in a way I fail yet to do. I struggle with this everyday, and I'm still not healed, I still cry in front of the mirror and actually hate looking!  Hopefully somehow I'll be able to help encourage them in a better way to not fall into the path that I have.

I hate the fact that because of all of those words, I placed such an importance on how I look, on trying to be beautiful, I lost that inner beauty, that inner joy.

This is just one of the broken pieces that need to be mended.

Why do I say all this? Because I want you all to know how important it is to tell the girls around you how beautiful they are! The world is telling them how pretty they're not! That they'll never attain beauty, but you can be the voice to tell them otherwise. Show them what true beauty is. Show them how important it is to be beautiful on the inside!! That it's where beauty truly counts!

You are all sooo beautiful!! In and out!


  1. wow i think this is great makes me feel like im not you lex..have a great day.


  2. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  3. yeah, be pretty on the inside.

  4. i think that you need to tell them everything you just wrote. be honest with them. tell them what real beauty is and explain to them that far more often than we would like we measure ourselves against this false idea of beauty. kids can always tell when they're being lied to. just tell them your story. you are most definitely not a hypocrite.

    (deleted the last post because i was missing a very important word)

  5. tmgg: I wasn't planning on lying to them. I was going to tell them the struggle. I was going to tell them what I've dealt with, and that it's not something that just goes away over night.

    I just still feel weird talking to them when I still deal with it. But I had no intention of lying to them and telling them I was all fixed and perfect and didn't struggle. I guess what I meant to say, was that I don't feel worthy of talking to those girls. Not good enough. if that makes sense.

    If I have been straight up with you guys, why would I start lying to them?

  6. hahah okay..i saw that i was like omg..i must not have explained myself properly in the post. lol :(

  7. Great post love.... I agree with what you said, its really sad.

  8. I have had those closet moments. Looking back I should have realised that I was never going to look like the girl all the boys wanted, or the girl who got told they were the prettiest.
    However as you get older your grow, and you realise life is so much more than the images we see and feel we should become.
    I love that Dove ad, and definitely want to make sure when I have children they understand the definition of real beauty.

  9. I've been there... many times.
    Thank you for your honesty and helping me have one more person to relate to.
    It's such a journey and a struggle.

    Just an encouragement for your journey today that you are true beauty

  10. Way to go, telling those girls they're beautiful! If someone I didn't know told me that when I was young, I would have remembered it for the rest of my life, and treasured it.

  11. i absolutely adore you honesty.
    its so empowering to admit how you are truly feeling. and first off i want you to know how insanely gorgeous you are on the outside but most importantly on the INSIDE. your kindness and your bright personality thats what makes you beautiful {plus i looove your new red hair} and you telling those girls they were beautiful is something they are going to remember the rest of their life. bravo!
    you'll be in my thoughts and prayers!

  12. Awesome video!! =) I'm a guest speaker at Raquel's thing too! You're gonna do fine...even if you still struggle with it. It makes you that much more relatable to young girls & they look up to you for handeling it by going to God.

    xoxoxo =)

  13. I've struggled with this issue a lot, one day I just decided I would stop reading those fashion magazines. They made me too jealous and feel too bad about myself.
    I'm so glad you told those girls they were beautiful. Thanks so much for sharing this.

  14. yeah. . I don't remember comparing to other girls at 11 at all. I do remember it starting at 13 or 14, definitely once you get to high school, but at the same time I don't think I did it much compared to most of the other girls. crazy video. society is really scary.

  15. wow...i'm so sorry someone told you that. what a shame, i know how hard that must be to try to heal from that and get that out of your head. we do have it coming at us from every angle and that alone is enough to make anyone feel like they don't measure up. and then to have someone say something like that to you. i'm so sorry..... it is so sad, all those magazines and the people on tv, etc... i compare myself way too much too. and those women that we compare ourselves to, they are comparing themselves and i'm sure don't feel good enough either! it's a sad story. but i try to stay aware and give myself unconditional love as much as possible. i think it's awesome that you share things like this. cheers to your growth and the growth of all of us women!

  16. i didn't say you ever had the intention of lying. it just seemed like you felt unsure about speaking them at all. that's all. i wouldn't expect you to lie to them or anyone at all. your struggle makes you all the more "worthy" of speaking to them. i don't think there is anyone who has never struggled with "beauty."

    does that clear things up?

  17. just found your blog and this was such an amazing post! you are so brave and beautiful, I admire you for your honesty.

  18. Girl you are not alone, I struggle with this everyday and I'm leading the group! That is funny! lol Anorexia is a continual struggle in my life. God will use your story, His endless story, to reach out to these girl. Whether its to prevent our same hurts from reaching them or comforting them our testimonies will radiate God's redemption and love to them.

    Pray!!! I start the group this week.

  19. oh no that's when I responded to the deleted comment lol

    and Raquel: I'll definitely be praying for you. this is such a great thing you're doing and I know God is going to use you tremendously!!

  20. check out this video for self image and accepting who god made you. we did this at the salon. my lil sis is the girl in it.
    video 2