Just a little Venting.

Have you ever just sat there, the only sound around is the beat the clock makes while it ticks. Your body, frozen still, while your mind is running 1,000 miles per hour, yet everything's a blur.
The only thing you feel are the warm tears that run down your face.
The overwhelming weight of your heart has you plastered to where you lay.
And you start to ask yourself, how did I get here?
How did I become this way?

God can you hear me? Are you watching me anymore? Have I pushed you too far?

I know I've been so angry with You and just shut You out.
It's just this is all too overwhelming and I've grown hopeless.
But I can't make it through this without You. Can you still hear me?

then to get up and go to work, hoping you could make it through the day without crying and making a scene.

Have you ever felt your heart grow hard?  Barricaded by the walls  built around it?
Only left confused on how to tear them down? They're so strong and heavy, you try to remove one brick at a time, and all of a sudden an intimidating factor appears and that one brick that was taken off has been placed back and stacked three rows higher.


There gets to a point you almost begin to feel not human. Numb. and yet there is still pain.
I don't really know. There's so much confusion and pain inside that I can't even begin to verbally express the surface of it all. but somehow it almost feels like your dead inside.

The people you once felt so comfortable with are just a constant reminder of how you've changed. The awkwardness settles as your in a room filled with people, laughing, joking, and you long so much to just feel that for a moment, and partake in the joy but instead your silent, alone, and just more aware of how different you've become and wondering if you'll ever be that way again.

Maybe you've noticed that I haven't said I to any of this, rather you, I think for one I'm wondering if I'm alone here, and second, to express this under I, scares me. I don't know, it's written all the same, but to claim and confess all of this, just scares me.

I've just grown so weary of it all and at the end of the day, I just feel completely foolish.

Well I guess that's enough venting for  today.

I wish I could be here doing this right now.