A Strive to be Thin

What is it about us women constantly striving to be thin? Why is it that the media has such a strong influence in creating our idea of beauty? I speak as a guilty party who has fallen under the trap of lies. Although knowing our idea of beauty today is one set upon fakeness (pardon my made up word ) and unrealistic views, it still carries such a strong hold of hope that somehow and someway we can achieve the ultimate. Do you ever find that you are harder on yourself than anyone else? I know I do. For example, Queen Latifah is one of the most beautiful women both inside and out. Even before she began losing weight on Jenny Craig’s diet I never thought she needed to lose weight because she was gorgeous the way she was with her gorgeous face and beautiful curves.

If I can see her for all her beauty, why is it that l I had such a struggle with feeling hideous weighing 176 3 yrs ago? And what was I willing to sacrifice to attain beauty? For many years I just continued to see myself growing…not taller…but sideways but I had no motivation to do anything until I got really sick for 4 months and realized I had to change some habits. Not only did the sickness motivate my new change but a comment from a stranger that has forever stayed. I was walking down the mall when an older man looked and said loud enough for me to hear, “she would be so pretty if she lost weight, it’s a shame she’s so fat”. A strangers words that are just for a moment can have an ever longing effect.

I'm the plumpier one on the left

My strive to be healthy began by watching Extreme Makeover (not the home edition) and I became motivated believing that I could make a change as well and so I began a diet. Slowly but surely I began losing. After going to several doctors, even the Mayo clinic, which is one of the best hospitals, and having no answer or solution to what was causing me to have horrible migraines everyday and low blood pressure that would cause me to pass out after standing for just 2 minutes, my father recommended I go to a natural doctor. I went to see Dr. Corey Cameron who was an answered prayer. Dr. Cameron was able to get me off all the strong medicines and put me on a detox called Isagenix, I began to feel healthy, and I ended up doing the 90 day Isagenix program and lost 30 lbs! I was able to start working out again, spinning, jogging, and aerobics.

http://www.isagenixcleanse.net

The picture below was after I did the Isagenix.

This was when my now hubby, was just a very good friend :D What a hottie! (sorry got sidetracked)

The Isagenix brings great results but it is really hard to follow after 90 days so I had to start thinking of a more long term solution. I started looking around at different diet pills and researching. Finally I chose Hydroxycut. Hydroxycut worked! People were asking me how I lost so much weight so fast! In a matter of weeks! I liked the added energy but the only downfall was the heart palpitations that sometimes would not allow me to work out. Although I knew of harmful consequences it was not enough to make me stop, because the results held greater value.

A friend of mine started taking these chinese pills called Lida and lost 40 lbs. After hearing of her great success, I bought myself a bottle and saw a dramatic change. The chinese pills got me to weighing 120lbs even without working out. I was able cheat often and not gain. Isn’t that every girls dream?? Finally instead of people telling me that I needed to lose weight I was hearing the opposite! “Don’t lose anymore, you’ve gotten so skinny”. Somehow I thought those words would bring comfort to me, but they didn’t. Now a greater fear came, “What if I gain weight? Will they call me ugly again? Will they make fun of me for getting fat?” Although I reached my goal, the pressure continued, my strive to be thin took over. What causes us to see something that isn’t really there? Weighing 120 I still saw myself as 176, not able to feel beautiful in my own skin. My strive to be thin has become my main priority. I have become so addicted that I have not been able to give up these pills. These pills are great but have also caused different side effects in me such as tired, weak, and moody. I’ve been thinking about stopping because I feel the effects, but the visual results make me think twice, and I’ve allowed “beauty” to overrule my health.

Here I was actually 5lbs over and although I was extremely happy to be marrying the man of my dreams, I was not happy with my appearance nor weight. I was dreading having to be in a bathing suit infront of people on our honeymoon. How does a person let it get this far? The desire to be beautiful and feeling inadequate?

I say all this to ask, what is beauty? If reaching a weight goal isn’t it, what makes a woman feel beautiful? What makes a 200 lb woman and a 115lb woman beautiful? If it’s not what the media is telling us then what is it? Even the most beautiful women we long to look like struggle with some insecurity, but why? This vicious cycle is even now over taking girls as young as 5 years old.

Who has so much control to make us believe we are not beautiful unless we reach a certain standard?