Monday, December 21, 2009

An Open Heart Video.<3your friend

Hello ladies,

well this post is kind of scary for me to put up. I guess I'm really not the best at being vulnerable. It's been within the past year that I've learned how to, but still, it terrifies me. Anyone who read this previous post would know how I feel about vulnerability. As well, it's  a lot easier for me to express myself in writing then with words, ever since I was a little girl, I used to leave little notes for my dad, but expressing myself verbally, I would find myself mumbling, stuttering, and messing up everything I intended to say. Yet, I feel I need to share this with you guys, no matter what may come of it. Some of the things I speak about in the videos, I have written about, so it may sound familiar, but here's my heart, open for you all, open for anyone who needed to hear it.

Please know you always have a friend in me.


  1. hey darling
    the videos are so great.
    you're so right! nobody can act like superwoman/man and pretend to be happy for a long time.
    maybe it does work for some hours, days or months...but not for the whole life.
    sooner or later u will cry...thats human and not weak or naive. I dont know...Im praying to God every night and I hope he will help me out...and he will! I know that....I just have to believe in him and in his lovingness.
    he loves us so he will help us!

    btw thank u so much for that sweet compliment
    it put a smile on my face :))
    Ya...soon I want a tattoo but I'll wait a little bit.


  2. Cute. I think this is so honest and true and I am really glad you are saying that we have a friend in you. Means a lot. xoxox

  3. First of all, you're gorgeous!
    Secondly, how brave & courageous of you! I watched both videos and love how you put yourself out there and also encouraged others.
    I'm so happy to have "met" you. I only wish we were closer so we could hang out irl!
    Thank you for sharing this! I pray it helps somebody else, as I'm sure it will!
    xoxo -j

  4. :( umm idk wat to say thanks for the video big boost for me love you hun


  5. Uniqorn: Yea it will definitely catch up! lol God hears your prayers. I know He's been hearing mine and really helping out a lot! I'm sure He'll help you too! He loves us soo much!! should be getting something shortly <3

    Rasha: I will always be here :D

    Jamie: Thank you so much for the compliments! and for watching both videos! lol I thought people would have just gotten bored with the first.
    I'm happy to have "met" you too and would totally love to be able to hang out with you!!!! darn distance! lol I hope it helps somebody too!

    Cris: I'm glad it spoke to you! I love you girl!

  6. aww, you are the cutest sweetest thing ever! and so brave! wow.... thank you for posting those. i agree that it will catch up as well. i know this first hand bc i was always (seemingly) happy go lucky, don't rock the boat, who me,,need anything? have problems? nooooo. i was always fine and everything was fine and then bam! one day cool as a cucumber me had a major panic attack. i battled with that for some time. and it was because i was denying my feelings. altho that was the hardest time in my life, it was a blessing in disguise. it made me a more authentic person. it's OK to have whatever feeling you are having. and i learned to honor that and i'm working on being a better friend to myself. with the help of god (i have an open view on what that term means) but i do believe whole heartedly that there is outside help, so ask for it. and also that there is power, strength and beauty in honoring and owning your feelings, even the dark, vulnerable, sad, insecure, etc feelings. we are human. your amazing...xoxo!

  7. but I love your novel story and hearing everything you had to say and how you learned to not deny your feelings anymore. I'm so sorry about the panic attacks!Those are no fun! But I really am glad, that through all that, you learned so much about yourself and grew into this amazing woman with so much compassion, love, and genuineness. Thank you!

  8. Wow, this is an amazing post. the best i've passed through in a while, it's all so honest and true. thanks for making my day dear :) X

    ps: you're such a pretty one!

  9. you are a beautiful, beautiful girl....inside and out. i love that you share your heart on this blog. it's what makes you approachable and what makes everyone love you. thank you for sharing these videos. i know God is going to use you in mighty ways lex.

    hope you have a good day tomorrow.

  10. Lex, I came onto your blog tonite to tell you thank you for the two beautiful comments you left me yesterday, or the day before, I have not been online alot the past two days. And I am so glad I did, this post is wonderful. There is alot of honesty in the air huh? I watched and loved both videos, and I agree with the others, you are so brave. And God is definatly using you as an instrument for us. You reminded us of very good points that I think so many of us forget about, that God loves us no matter how we feel about ourselves, no matter how we think we dont deserve his love. This is half the reason I never turned to him in the first place, I felt too guilty. He has shown me who I can really be through a period of betrayal and dishonesty. He has pulled me through it to the other side and now I see the good in it all. Where as before him, I was just angry, confused, and hurt. We all have our trials, our fears, our guilts. God can give us the perspective to see the good in these things. And having someone like you who is brave enough to speak up about it really helps. So thank you.

    You made me giggle so much about saying you would come over and make me hot chocolate in bed and watch elf with disposable sheets! lol, you are too funny! i would totally pretend that Elf wasnt funny enough just so you would have to act stupid and idiodic to make me laugh!

    Thank you.

  11. Laura: Thank you for your encouraging words. I'm glad God is using me. A friend of mine passed away last week, my age, that I went to school with since kindergarden, he was on his way home from work, just 5 minutes away from home, and he got hit by a drunk driver, and died. It made me realize, I never know when God will call me can happen at any time, any day! I want to do something with my life when I'm here, I can't continue to just be afraid. I can't just not help anyone else either. I've experienced these things for a reason, and keeping it to myself will serve no purpose. So I guess He moved me to do this scary

    I'm glad that you liked my comment! if you're ever down..there's always video chat too..i can make myself a fool for you over that and make you smile :D How are you doing hun?

  12. hey lex, i watched this movie last night and it really reminded me of this post! (in a dramatic, quirky movie kind of a way). it's called henry poole is here. have you seen it? it's so good...made me tear up a lil...i think you might like it!

  13. Oh, you're so lovely! Great post:)

  14. I am going to try to watch these, but I don't know if my computer will let me!

  15. Love your blog! \
    Following you now!

  16. You speak beautifully!!! I love what you have to say and your blog. I am so happy I found your blog, and you are truly inspiring. xo

  17. thank you for opening your heart to us. it has really helped put a lot of things back into perspective. you're an amazing young lady.

  18. lex you are so lovely <3 i go all fumbly when i express verbally too! thanks so much!

    also my hair broke off everywhere too :O i don't think the oil i use does much but definately the shampoo helps. anything from the L'oreal elvive collection is amazing. I lather, rinse and repeat. then i put in conditioner, either a normal one or the deep conditioner once a week. i concentrate on the ends but sometimes all over the head and i rinse this off with cold water since i think hot water dries out my hair. then towel dry and apply leave-in conditioner. :) so far it's been going great!

  19. THANK YOU THANK YOU for your comment!! your words really meant alot to me. and you are exactly right... having friends like you to open up to, its really comforting. thank you again!!
    yes, gonna watch Elf with the kiddos tonight.

    p.s. i am absolutely in love with your engagement photos, especially the one with the wheels in the background... looooove it!!

  20. Honey bunny: Thank you!! btw how do you get all those cute outfits together?!! I wish I had a mind like yours! All that creativity & beauty!

    Caitlin: Did the computer crash from these vids? if so..sorry! :(

    Mina Bella: Thank you so much for following! I'm glad you like it! ^_^

    Caroline: Thank you! I giggled when I read you said I speak beautifully, well because I guess I've never really thought that, but thank you so much! Thank you for your encouraging words! It brightens up my day!

    Tina: I'm so glad that it helped put things into perspective and that you guys took it so well. Not gonna lie, I was terrified! lol but thank you so much!

    Shabna:lol you are adorable! Thanks soo much for the hair advice ;)

    Jen: thank you! Glad you liked the pics! YAY FOR ELF WATCHING WITH FAMILY :D

  21. AH i love your posts. so refreshing :-) I'm glad you found my blog and I found yours.

    By the way your wedding was stunning! <3

  22. it's inspiring to see people face their fears and become courageous!
    i am loving your little blog!

  23. You have been awarded! Check out my blog for more info. :)

  24. I found your blog over on Rasha's page. I'm so glad I stopped by! I have enjoyed reading your posts so much. Your honesty is a beautiful thing :) I can't wait to read more! xoxo, Julie

  25. I really realy wish you a great chrismas. loveyou.

    in love,kate <3

  26. Lex, I got my christmas card today, thank you so much! you are soooo sweet, thank you for all of your kind words, you made me feel so SPECIAL! thanks for the hot chocolate, we are going to drink it tonite while we watch criminal minds! yeah! you are the BEST! thank you thank you thank you!

  27. wow! you've got such a cute blog : )
    I am following you!
    Keep up the great job

  28. You are sooo sweet I just want to give you a hug!!!!!
    If I ever need a friend, I know who I'm writing to (usually I just write everything out in my diary, but it doesn't respond or give useful advice:)
    just, thanks so much for making these videos, I've been trying to watch them for a few days now (my computer takes FOREVER to load, I think I have a bug or something because just opening a browser takes about seven minutes) and I'm really glad I did. First of all you are the cutest(!!!) and second it's really amazing to hear/see you talking about all this, it's all so true and it is a wonderful way to remind us how un-alone we are.

    I kind of see some of myself in these videos, like when your talking about how you don't like people to see you cry...I find myself doing the same thing sometimes.
    Thanks for being here Lex sharing so much with us!!!
    I hope your Christmas was wonderful, going to read all about it now:D